pour my life into a papercup

You always make my self-esteem so low. You still look at girls. I'm not even average, I'm hideous. I don't even know how and why you even like me. I hate how much it hurts when you do it but I don't want you to change or adjust anything about yourself because I do not want you to keep things from me. I know you still keep lots of things from me because you do not want to hurt me, but I'd rather get hurt than not know anything at all. I don't know how to make you understand me. I'm so confused. :/