pour my life into a papercup

I had a bad day, and I wanted him to come to be a shoulder for me to cry on. But it turned out the otherwise.

Are you sad or mad?

It hits me. Why was I crying? Was I mad? Or was I just sad? I don't know what I'm feeling so I kept quiet.

Why are you quiet?

I was still searching for answer, but none I could find. I wasn't mad at him. What should I say to him? "I don't know" doesn't seem legit enough, but honestly, i really felt like that at that moment of time. I just don't know.

I was weak. So weak, I couldn't feel my legs. Face wet with tears. I lie down on his lap, still weeping, gasping for air. I don't know why. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't talk, I couldn't move. My hands were trembling. He held me up, I tried to touch his face with these trembling hands. I couldn't stop crying.

I can't help but to wonder, what exactly was I feeling?