I want to be perfect

I'm such a useless disgraceful loser. I can't make N happy. I can't do anything right. I hate myself so much. I try so hard to be perfect for him but I always fail. Why do I always fail to be perfect? Why do I always fail to be everything he wanted me to be? I'm willing to lose myself just to be someone he wanted me to be. To hell with all the "Don't change for a boy" quotes! I love him and I want to change for him.